The recipe for a “successful” coaching tenure:
1. Wait to take over your responsibilities in favor of your last position. Don’t worry your new players don’t need any help. Recruiting can wait.
2. When you get to work, don’t take any time learning your players names… they appreciate being called by numbers.
3. Try to be as rude as possible to the media. Their support doesn’t matter. Also, be publicly critical of your 18 year old kids’ talent levels or work ethics… that will gain a lot of trust. Don’t hesitate to call them out by name.
4. Hire as many mediocre coordinators as you can.
5. Install an offensive system that was built to compete in the big 10 twenty years ago. That will certainly give you a competitive advantage.
6. Switch from a successful defensive philosophy to one not tailored to your personnel.
7. Take extra care to run the ball a lot if you lack offensive line experience. Those kids need the extra reps to suck less!
8. Don’t identify a competent quarterback. Get yourself in a classic QB competition where no one gets enough practice reps and you tell your scholarship QB’s that they’re not as good as walk ons…